Awesome, complex and very rich progressive composition!
Do you realize now I’m gonna execute you Narco style…? (;¬__¬)
35 Mexican customs that surprise foreigners
“To those that have visited Mexico, what’s the strangest thing about the country that Mexican people find completely normal?”
- No shop has enough money change, EVER.
- There is a love-hate relationship with the United States.
- They love public displays of affection and long, very long, intimate hugs.
- They are well groomed.
- There is no moderation in the use of styling gel. It seems the minimum amount is half a jar per day.
- It’s really disturbing that an old man plays pretend to be a kid to appear in a family TV show every Sunday morning.
- It’s surprising the lack of toilet paper and soap in public bathrooms, specially at schools.
- They’re extremely good mannered; they greet and bide farewells for everything, I even felt like I was being disrespectful.
- Language references to homosexuality abound, playful or serious. “Joto, marica, putito, etc.”
- "Ahorita lo hago" (trans. "I’ll do it right now") never happens and it’s more improbable if "ahoritita" (trans. "just right now") is used. "Mañana te pago" (trans. "I’ll pay you tomorrow") means nothing.
- There is no easily available and decent coffee. Chiapas and Veracruz produce world class coffee and it seems that everybody prefers to drink Nescafe or convenience store coffee.
- Snacks. Snacks are so delicious.
- I was surprised by everybody’s tardiness. If you have an appointment at four o’clock expect people to start turning up half an hour later.
- That thing you find in restaurants is NOT ketchup. I don’t know what it is but it isn’t ketchup.
- When I went to a public bathroom I had to pay, and when I did so they gave me toilet paper. It was so confusing…
- Education at college is really loose. There is too much communication between students and teachers.
- There are hot sauce and ketchup dispensers for the popcorn at movie theaters.
- Wall-Mart has liquor aisles.
- Everybody can sell something; either at crossings, outside their houses or even at buses.
- You can easily find Asiatic people in stores and restaurants, but not elsewhere.
- I never saw a non-Mexican kid…
- Anything works as a pretext to do a party, and most of Mexican parties involve the whole family.
- Don’t pay attention to whatever USA’s television networks say about Mexico. It is VERY different to how it is portrayed.
- If you’re black, get used to be the center of attention.
- Lemon goes with everything.
- Mexican people don’t care about monopolies.
- They don’t seem to care about forest fires, unless it threatens a town.
- They seem to believe that a droplet of chile will be enough to destroy a foreigner’s tongue, so the custom is to warn every time they get close to the spice with a “pero pica, ¿eh?” (trans. “It’s hot ‘tho, ok?”)
- Drug dealing is centerpiece to whatever happens in Mexican politics, but it’s taboo to talk about it in public.
- If you don’t understand the many meanings of “chingar” and “pedo” (trans. note: I’m not even going to bother…) well, good luck following informal conversations.
- Most Mexican people see Center and South American people like lesser rank Americans. They can’t tolerate Argentinians.
- They drink astonishing quantities of soda pop.
- Racism isn’t a thing in Mexico. Classicism is a thing in Mexico.
- Everybody tries to help and boost the home economy. ¿Walmart? Nope. Let’s go to a tianguis.
- Cream cheese maki sushi? WHY!?
The beginning and the end purport the same. The Eternal One dwells within us.
Even if your soul were gone, your prayers and curses will remain in this world.
They will change, your intentions turned into wisdom will run along the universe.
Today I will also be doing some rewriting, a renewal of my own. I’ve been saved from death.
My beloved ones, don’t mourn me because I’m not gone. Below the canopy of stars now I can see.
Inside it, like a loving father, our Creator dwells. Can you sense the greatest affection and sacrifice?
Embrace it, bow down, this unconditional kiss of love is for all of us, in eternal communion. It will be nice to rejoin.
Evangelion, and why Hideaki Anno hates you
Real talk: if you never actually watched Neon Genesis Evangelion all the way through, everything you know about it is wrong.
Although for that matter, even the people who watched it all the way through are wrong about it.
Let’s talk about the creator: Hideaki Anno, and why he’s happiest when you are angry.
I’m so going to love the 4.0 movie, no matter what~ :D
Don’t Shave That Hair!!!
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble ****ing.
No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can’t-Be-Flushed threshold.
I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. “Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don’t I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!” I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. “How many Indians could there be?” said by General Custer. “Looks like a good day for a drive!” by JFK. “There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!” by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.
I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.
Little did I know.
I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.
Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic ****- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky ****/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.
Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering ****/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own **** blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: “It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks.”
Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.
As if that wasn’t enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn’t just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.
Friends, DON’T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!
*facepalm…* Their personal god is so tiny… It pales to the real almighty God that can rule over MILLIONS (and eternity) and is graceful enough to ACTUALLY TAG THE FOSSILS WITH RADIOACTIVE DECAY SO YOU CAN DATE THEM! From my point of view, science is a gift and I FUCKING LOVE IT!
I feel pity for those kids…
I don’t understand people who think drunk texts are annoying. I think drunk texts are so cute. Just think of it this way, you’re who that person is thinking of when their brain isn’t even functioning properly, you’re who that person is thinking of when they can’t even form coherent sentences. You’re on that person’s mind when they have the motor skills of an infant, that’s pretty fucking awesome if you ask me.